tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45458020697257991952024-03-13T15:00:21.230-06:00Those Funny Things Called ThoughtsAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.comBlogger124125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-9246928778328802302013-04-17T10:21:00.001-06:002013-04-17T11:05:31.093-06:00CSFTDBMS: Another installment<div>
I'm back in the dating pool again. It's kinda nice in here. Lots of fun things happen. Like this:</div>
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The man came to the door and gave me a hug. He was really good looking. He had amazing hair. And we talked and talked and talked and barely came up for air - because we were talking about traveling and adventures and I get so excited about that stuff. </div>
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He seemed very familiar. We went to the Westminster Spring Chorale Concert. He kept trying to be the last one to clap. It made me laugh. A lot. Again, he seemed familiar to me but I couldn't figure out why.</div>
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We went to Bruges Waffles in Sugar House. I was floored by the deliciousness of it all. Again, we talked and talked and talked. </div>
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And then it hit me. Like a Mack truck. He was an older version of my little brother Mason. </div>
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And then it was all over for me. </div>
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-70218944785771803042012-11-07T13:21:00.004-07:002012-11-07T13:21:50.041-07:00The ElectionDamn and double damn. That's all I really have to say about that. But know that's a lot coming from me.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-27460656143881489402012-11-02T14:48:00.001-06:002012-11-02T14:53:39.004-06:00The Dr. Visit<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
So, I had a dull headache for about two and a half weeks. I
finally decided to go to the doctor. I sat down with some trashy magazine in
the clinic and waited. Seriously, those things are crap. Anyway, About 20
minutes passed and I was being patient but I was starting to get a little
annoyed. This little lady who had aged beyond her years sat down one seat away
from me. She had dentures. But didn’t have them glued in, or whatever you do to
dentures to keep them from smacking and slurping. Geh. She also had a whistly
nose. Oh. My. Gosh. I started freaking out. Lip smacking, denture noises, and a
whistly nose? Seriously? I thought about getting up and moving, but then I
looked at this lady’s face. That would just be rude. So I tilted my head to the
side, plugged my ear, covered my hand with my hippie hair, and chewed my gum
really loudly so I could only hear myself. I still heard some noises though,
and I thought I was gonna lose it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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About 15 minutes of this and finally the medical assistant
came and saved me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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She asked, “Are you dying?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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So I said, “Well yeah! That little lady was smacking her
lips and dentures and had a whistly nose and I thought I was going to die! It
was horrible! I’m SO glad you came and got me!” <o:p></o:p></div>
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She laughed and said, “Boy it’s just not your day, is it?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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“No! It’s not!” I said. <o:p></o:p></div>
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She asked, “You want to get on the scale?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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“No!” I yelled.<o:p></o:p></div>
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She just laughed at me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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She took me to my little consultation room where I waited
another 20 minutes. It was a long time, but at least there was no whistling.
Finally my Dr. came in. She has the personality of a wet blanket. So she asked
me some questions and got out her little camera thing – checked my ears,
checked my nose (and I burst out laughing. I mean, she shoved a camera up
there!), and looked at my throat. She asked if I had a sore throat and I said I
didn’t, just a head ache. Then she felt my neck and that was painful.
Painful!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“It looks like you have a sinus infection and your glands
are really swollen, so we’ll start you on some antibiotics. It also looks like
you have an enlarged thyroid.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I groaned, “Don’t even tell me that! My mom had hers removed
due to cancer and my aunts have thyroid problems!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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She said, “Well, we’ll check your thyroid levels to make
sure you don’t have any problems. It doesn’t mean you have cancer. You might
just have a goiter.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Umm, hello!!! What?! “A GOITER? I CAN’T HAVE A GOITER! ARE
YOU KIDDING ME?!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Remember, wet blanket – “What’s wrong with a goiter?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“A GOITER?! THAT’S JUST WEIRD! OH MY GOSH!!!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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She just smiled at me and said she was going to get the MA
to draw some blood.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Holy crap guys, a goiter.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So in walks Brittany just laughing at me, when I say – well yell
– “OH MY GOSH! DID SHE TELL YOU I MIGHT HAVE A GOITER!?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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She just laughed more and jammed a bazooka in my arm and
started drawing some blood. She looked at me and said, “Yeah, you’re under a
little bit of stress aren’t you?” And I just thought to myself, “At least
someone is laughing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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After a 15 minute interaction with both Dr. and MA, my
goiter and I were on our merry little way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went to the pharmacy and started taking my
prescription and I had kind of a bad reaction, but they told me it should take
about 3 days for the antibiotic to kick in. Finally, Friday I called in to see
if what was happening was normal. I gave them my symptoms and they said they’d
call me back. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A few hours later Brittany called me back.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Hi. You really shouldn’t have a golf ball on your throat
and that other stuff is bad too. Stop taking that medication and take this
other one.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Ok. So did my blood work come back?” I was nervous.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Yeah, actually it did. We sent you a letter but it looks
like your levels are all normal.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“SO DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE A GOITER THEN?!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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She joined in the yelling, “YOUR FINE!!!” She was busting up
laughing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So guys, I guess I just have to face the fact that I’m gonna
have a little buddy on my neck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">So, over the next few weeks, I’m moving. I really hate moving because it’s like, where the heck did all this crap come from? I don’t even know. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Anyway, so my job has been freaking awesome lately. We are to the point on this house where I get to go<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>buy stuff for it. I know, lots of people are jealous. I love the days when I get to just go out shopping. All day. That’s right. Anyway, so I was out buying vintage hats yesterday, so I was hitting up a bunch consignment stores. Um, those are awesome. Anyway, so as I was searching for hats, I saw some pewter bowls. For about 1/3 the price of what they are sold at my go-to pewter store. Guys. Seriously. So I was thinking, I won’t be able to go to my mother’s hutch and use all her dishes anymore. So I bought them. Because I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">need</i> them. And now I realize where all this crap comes from.</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-3023385200911540942012-01-22T00:17:00.000-07:002012-01-22T00:17:38.235-07:00S. Ann Thomas<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a kid, I was never one to understand why people were so upset when their grandparents passed away. My father’s father passed away before I was born and Grandma Stout wanted to be with him since the day he died. My mother’s parents lived in California and we visited them every other or every year. My Linda-mom’s parents also lived in California. I never really knew the role grandparents could have in someone’s life. My mom’s grandfather, or “Papa” as he was known, had a stroke when I was about twelve and I remember mom crying and feeling so sad about it. But to me, he was just old. He had always been old. And that’s what happened to people when they get old. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then, when I was 13, my step-dad Craig came into our lives and brought with him the best Grandparents a kid could ever ask for. Grandpa Hale would call us up and then swing by and take us to a movie. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">AND</i> he would buy popcorn. Popcorn! He wrote us poems for our birthdays and made personalized cards. He made us feel like we had always been his grandkids. And he absolutely loved us. I came to understand what having grandparents meant. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His health started rapidly declining when I was 20 and when I had been in the MTC for a month, he passed away. I cried. A lot. I still cry because I miss him so much. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My mother’s parents moved to Utah about 18 years ago, but I didn’t get to know my Gram until after my Grandfather passed away. I realized that she must be pretty lonely without him. I was pretty lonely without Anna. They passed away 8 ½ months apart. So once a week I started coming down to visit Grandma. I came to learn what a fun sassy lady she was. We became friends. She’d take me to dinner for my birthday and took me shopping for a gift. We would sit out on her porch and eat a popsicle and just talk for a while. I’d go with her to the monthly Macy’s one day sale to buy someone a wedding gift. She wrote me faithfully while I was a missionary and told me how proud she was of me. Since I moved back home with my mother, I went over at least once a week to visit her. She became my best friend. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was taken to the hospital on September 10, 2011. For the 18 days she was in the hospital, I went before work, during lunch, and after work, even if she was just sleeping, just so I could be with her. It was hard to see her having such a hard time. She was then diagnosed with stomach cancer and sent home to recover from surgery. I went over every morning and we had breakfast together. She would always have a bowl and a spoon for the both of us sitting on the counter waiting for me. I also went over right after work. She would ask me what I had planned for the night and tell me how fun it sounded. Then I would come over the next morning and she would ask me how it went. She knew everything. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Right before Thanksgiving, she was diagnosed with lung and liver cancer. She decided against chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She started making pancakes, scones, eggs, and bacon for breakfast. When she started declining, I slept over at her house. It was a privilege, you know. No one was ever allowed to lie on her bed since it would flatten the feather tick and the down comforter and then it would take ten minutes to remake the entire bed. But I got to. And it felt like I was sleeping in a feather cacoon. And then I got to start taking care of her and making sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed. I remembered how I had thought my mom a little crazy for being so heartbroken when Papa started declining. But then I understood. Maybe people get old and things happen. But this is my old person. And it hurt like the dickens to realize that she was slipping away. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p>Grandma passed away last Thursday night. I was relieved she was finally able to leave and let go. But now I just feel empty and sad. I miss my friend. It’s not that I don’t know that I will see her again. It’s not that I don’t think she’s isn’t in pain anymore. It’s not that I don’t think she’s in a better place. I know all those things. It’s the pain of the sudden severance of association. That her house is empty now and the light isn’t on, waiting for me to come over. That the conversation between us is now just a bunch of memories that, with time, I will start to forget. <o:p></o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">However, she has given me so much. She taught more about what it meant to be an adored granddaughter. And I am so thankful to have a Gram who was such a wonderful noble woman. A woman I will continue to honor. And one that I can never forget.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span></div></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"></div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-81637396567684820122012-01-11T15:04:00.000-07:002012-01-11T15:04:53.433-07:00But...<div id="AOLMsgPart_1_db998275-aa8b-4995-89dd-18fc27c02acd"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="MsoNormal">Last night I was hanging with Gram. She has been cracking me up. She recognized me when I first walked in but then someone left and I moved to the chair and this was our conversation:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “What is your name?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: “Amanda”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “Elaina?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: “Sure. I’m Elaina”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “Now, do you go to school?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: “No, I have been done with school for a few years.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “Did you graduate from the University of Utah?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: “No, I went to BYU.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “What did you study?” </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: “I got my degree in Linguisitcs.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “That’s VERY interesting! I have a granddaughter who got her degree in Linguistics from BYU as </div><div class="MsoNormal">well!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: I thought I would have a little fun. “She must be pretty great.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “Yes. She is really great. But….”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me: What?! There’s a “but?!?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Gram: “But she hasn’t found anyone to live with. It’s going to take a very <i>VERY</i> long time.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">She seriously is a crack up. I sure love her. But I hope it doesn’t take <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that </i>long. </div></div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-27525460565639949202011-10-27T10:40:00.000-06:002011-10-27T10:40:59.532-06:00Family Portrait<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhG4X-bqCog7_DJWa2pVyPVzJ6uDm07MgH_Doy4CeXn0Z7yw64IojxC-unVkePTu2gsh07fVsMm-yTa8QSmfLGVzYPyTp8YvTdX4C1dPxOf6FZu6sbEG6-uCAG4xefDlGMwlrrcrBG1SX8/s1600/Sister+Wives.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhG4X-bqCog7_DJWa2pVyPVzJ6uDm07MgH_Doy4CeXn0Z7yw64IojxC-unVkePTu2gsh07fVsMm-yTa8QSmfLGVzYPyTp8YvTdX4C1dPxOf6FZu6sbEG6-uCAG4xefDlGMwlrrcrBG1SX8/s320/Sister+Wives.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">We give new meaning to the term "Sister Wives"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-1563935793331552622011-10-04T15:54:00.000-06:002011-10-04T15:54:32.631-06:00Entertainment<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal">I know you all missed me. Terribly. My grandma has taken a turn for poor health. I don’t know why older people do that. But they do. Punks. So I have spent lots of time before work (and during work) and also after work hanging out with her and making sure she has what she needs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I have also been getting a lot of good entertainment. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Yesterday I went over to her house wearing some pants I haven’t worn for a while because they were a little… ahem… snug. I asked her if they looked ok. Of course she said they did, because hey, what else would she say? She's my nice sweet grandma. We went on with whatever we were doing. 9:00 rolled around so I said goodbye and started to leave.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was halfway through the kitchen when she called, “Hey!” </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So I spun around. “Yes?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You have a cute bum!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">LOTS of good entertainment <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:)</span></span></div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-8283469159499281712011-09-07T11:41:00.001-06:002011-09-07T11:42:57.201-06:00You'll Shoot Your Eye Out<div class="MsoNormal"><b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0791789/">Ralphie as Adult</a></b>: Round One was over. heh heh. Parents one, kids, zip. I could feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. Maybe, what happened next, was inevitable. <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0227039/">Mother</a></b>: Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas? <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0791789/">Ralphie as Adult</a></b>: Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out! <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0791789/">Ralphie as Child</a></b>: I want a Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle. Oooooooh! <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0227039/">Mother</a></b>: No, you'll shoot your eye out. <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0791789/">Ralphie as Adult</a></b>: Oh no! It was a classic, mother BB-gun block. "You'll shoot your eye out!" That deadly phrase honored many times by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to Kid-dom, but such as my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine, that I immediately began to rebuild the dike.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085334/quotes">A Christmas Story: imdb.com</a><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">Christmas 2010 was magical. I got one of the best gifts I have ever received. In Relief Society the Sunday after, they asked us to stand up and tell everyone what our favorite gift we received was. Mine was by far the best that was shared: A 75<sup>th</sup> anniversary edition Red Ryder BB Gun. I just love it so much. We have had a lot of good road trips and lots of fun in the back yard. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Monday was Labor Day so a few of my friends and I decided we wanted to be Americans. We made homemade pizza (what’s more American than pizza?!), apple pie, and shot bb guns. We were shooting there in the back yard for a while, two at a time since we had two guns. I’m not going to lie. I’m a pretty good shot. I hit one of the targets hanging in the tree and then heard the neighbor to the back say “HEY!” I put the safety on mine and ran inside. I don’t know who had the other one, but they all got in the house – fast. We were almost out of bbs anyway. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I went home and started reloading the guns in the family room as my mom was watching Yard Crashers. She just loves that HGTV. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I reached down to put the safety on the gun I hadn’t been shooting. The butt of the gun was down toward my feet and the barrel was about an inch from my shoulder. As I reached for the safety, I hit the trigger instead. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Peee-ew!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I had shot myself. In the shoulder. Idiot. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It didn’t even hurt really. It kinda felt like I got stabbed a little. But it didn’t even break the skin. My mom didn’t even know it had happened until I couldn’t stifle my laugh anymore. She was just glad I hadn’t shot my eye out. Now it just feels like I got a tetanus shot. In the front of my shoulder rather than the side. Hurty. But just a little bit hurty. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So dadgummit, now I am going to take that gun safety class sooner than later. </div></div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-26354046917037600632011-08-16T12:36:00.000-06:002011-08-16T12:36:13.592-06:00Shopping carts<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal">Imagine that went to Target the other night with your little brother to get the 5<sup>th</sup> season of Psych. You just LOVE Psych. While you’re driving, he asks if there is a lot of dirt in the air. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You haven’t noticed but then you see a huge dust devil cross the street in front of you. There isn’t even a crosswalk! Yes, there is a lot of dirt in the air. And then you notice just how windy it is. It’s a dang hurricane, practically! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You turn in on Target street and see some poor sucker pulled over by a copper. You feel kinda bad for the po po for a split second because leaves are flyin around hitting him in the head and big, fat raindrops are pelting his blues (which is short for blue uniform) but then you think he is a real schmuck for pulling that sucker over.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You pull into the parking lot, just by Café Rio, when you see a man who appears to be in his mid-fifties with his arms loaded down with several Target bags staring in horror as his cart starts rolling away from him. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You stop short to see what will unfold. The wind rockets his cart past the stop sign and into the street. It’s on course to hit the curb when suddenly, for no reason at all, it makes a 45 degree turn and heads straight for the car that was pulled over. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The poor man who lost his cart widens his eyes to the size of dinner plates. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You and your brother stare in silence as the cart crashes right into the poor sucker’s car and bounces away and onto its side. And then you lose it. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You turn back to the bag-laden man. He lifts his shoulders in disbelief and can’t stop staring. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You still can’t drive and tears are streaming down your face. It’s just too much like a movie! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The bag man lets his bags drop to his sides and turns back to his car. There’s nothing for him to do now but leave.</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-70786873924937542612011-08-08T15:34:00.000-06:002011-08-08T15:34:59.453-06:00Cars vs. Elephants<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had text message conversation this morning with a guy I know. We aren’t super tight. We haven’t even hung out. But yesterday he grabbed my arm. He started squeezing it. I looked at him and said, “Are you feeling my muscles?” He said he was. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I squirmed away muttering something like, “I haven’t worked out in a long time.” It really made me laugh. Here’s the exchange from today:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guy: How much do you weigh?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: Why would I tell you that?!</span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guy: Just answer.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: No way, Jose. Why would you ask that?</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guy: Just cuz. You’re like, way strong.</span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: Well, if I was like 90 pounds I would gladly tell you. But I have what I’ll call an “athletic” build and I definitely don’t weigh 90 pounds.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guy: You can sugarcoat it all day long. I’m pretty sure you’re over 150 so there’s no hiding it.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: (I know I can’t really hide my weight. And I have always been one of the “strong” girls meaning I have never been dainty or slender, and… that I could beat the crap out of all the other girls if I had an aggressive tendency, which, fortunately, I don’t. I’m more of a squirrel retreating from any sign of danger. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like I look like a buffalo wallow woman, or an Amazonian , and there is just no hiding that. Not even with long sleeved shirts, which I was wearing yesterday. Darn him for touching me). </span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: I know. “Athletic” is sugarcoating it.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guy: How much? (Throws out a number)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: I’m never telling!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guy: I'll keep going up if you don’t spit it out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: Whatever. You should know girls never like that question. I won’t tell.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know you guys are all gasping in horror. You just have to know this kid. You never have to wonder what he is thinking (obviously) or where you stand with him because he’ll just tell you. He pretty much guessed my weight on the dot. Which is pretty annoying. How do people do that? I mean, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have absolutely no concept of what things weigh. And I don’t really care as long as I can lift it outta my way. How much does a car weigh? Probably like 500 pounds. Cuz I can’t lift it. How much does an elephant weigh? Probably like 600 pounds. Because it probably weighs a little more than a car. No concept. No concept at all.</span></div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-86137456641203065372011-07-28T15:41:00.001-06:002011-07-28T15:44:48.356-06:00Questions<div class="MsoNormal">Sometimes I feel like a total lame-o. It mostly comes out when I am meeting new people. This is how it usually goes. </div><ol><li>So are you in school… do you work? Oh, I graduated three years ago from BYU. I just work now. (I’m flattered they think I’m young enough to be getting my bachelor’s since that is what people mean when they ask if you are in school).</li>
<li>So what did you study? Um, I got a BA in Linguistics.</li>
<li>What is THAT? It’s the study of the different components of language. Like, syntax, phonology, phonetics, morphology. Stuff like that.</li>
<li>What do you DO with it? Go to more school.</li>
<li>So, what do you do for work? Oh, I surf the internet, cruise around facebook, and go online window shopping. I also answer the occasional phone call.</li>
<li>Well that’s cool. So, do you live by yourself… or with roommates? I live with my parents.</li>
<li>Wait, how old are you? I’m almost 28.</li>
<li>Oh. Ok. So, are you dating anybody? Well… no. And then I try to dress it up with something like, “my nephews are the most important men in my life.” </li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal">People! These are not good questions to ask! Good questions go something like this:</div><ol><li>When was the last time you went skydiving?</li>
<li>Where did you take your last trip?</li>
<li>Would you rather have locked knees or locked elbows for the rest of your life?</li>
<li>Have you ever been attacked by a bear? </li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal">Things like that get you to really talk. And then the person answering doesn’t feel like a total loser. I do have one really good thing going for me: at least I’m not dating the renaissance pokemon master. But who ever asks that?</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-25163993560299322482011-07-19T14:08:00.002-06:002011-07-19T14:08:30.877-06:00Breaking UpWhat's worse than breaking up with someone you have been dating, I ask you? Having to break up with someone you WEREN"T EVEN DATING!Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-42618283067053861012011-06-28T13:42:00.001-06:002011-06-28T16:42:04.641-06:00Walmart and Biker DudesThe funniest things seem to happen to me, I mean you, at Walmart. <br />
<br />
Imagine you go with your mom to Walmart to pick up some last minute things before you head up to girls camp. You tell her you need to go to the men's hat section to get a hat big enough to fit on your huge noggin. She says she'll be in the food section. <br />
<br />
You find the hats. They are all for sports teams. You don't know anything about sports teams. Why would any team pick a pair of socks to be their mascot anyway? You stand there trying to find something that won't make you look like too much of a poser. <br />
<br />
A short, stalky, bald biker looking dude with a long gnarly goatee comes up to the side of you.<br />
<br />
He says, "The first thought that came to my mind was, 'this must be where all the beautiful people come.'"<br />
<br />
You think to yourself, "Yes. They come to Walmart." But you say out loud, "Yep! They hang out in the men's hat section!"<br />
<br />
He continues walking away and turns back flashing you a sly smile. <br />
<br />
That was weird. You continue in your shopping. About five minutes pass by and you STILL haven't been able to make a decision. <br />
<br />
The short, stalky, bald biker looking dude with the long gnarly goatee emerges from the mens socks aisle. <br />
<br />
"I missed you," he says, barely above a whisper. <br />
<br />
He melts back into the aisle. <br />
<br />
"Mother!" you shriek in your mind and take off running. Seriously. You were running.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-42281989632330770342011-06-14T10:42:00.000-06:002011-06-14T10:42:14.673-06:00Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal">Imagine you are at a Salt Lake Bees game last night. You end up sitting by a boy who has some developmental problems. He’s hilarious. He keeps screaming, “Getcher head in the game!” and “Come on!” He knows more about the sport than you do.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">He has a habit of telling every girl he talks to that she looks like Hannah Montana if she is blonde. Or she looks like Miley Cyrus if she is brunette. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You are a brunette, so he tells you that you would have the best of both worlds if you had a blonde wig, because then you could look like them both. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You don’t really like Miley Cyrus. She is a little crazy these days. So you tell him that you don’t look like her at all. You just look like yourself. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">He responds, “You are right. You look just like yourself. And you have the right to remain FOXY!”</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-74510249099531561332011-06-10T11:49:00.000-06:002011-06-10T11:49:42.263-06:00RIP Mailbox. You have been good to us.Imagine your house has a three car wide driveway. Your mom’s car is parked in the center spot. You have a cute happy-go-lucky little 16-year-old sister who is glad as can be to have her driver’s license. She is extremely responsible, so your mom trusts her with her car.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Your dad pulls up in his ginormous truck while she is trying to pull out. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Really, his truck is ginormous. And it’s blocking her vision.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">She backs out and finds that the mailbox is somehow underneath the car and she is on the mow strip.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">How did that even happen?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The mailbox lays there for a few days. But the best part is, the mail man keeps delivering your mail. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">What a guy. </div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-51971365438179938692011-06-06T15:07:00.000-06:002011-06-06T15:07:26.219-06:00Dancing Bananas<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal">I have had a request to post a certain story. Here goes. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Imagine you are in your second semester of your freshman year of college. You go to a university that has 1.3 million students and about 10 parking spaces for said students. So you start your classes as early as possible so you can get a prime parking spot. Like 7.30. Yes. You ARE a smart freshman. After too many months of perfect attendance, you decide to skip your 7.30 math class so you won’t have to be on campus till 9.00. What you don’t realize is that EVERYONE thinks starting class at 9.00 is a good idea. You are no longer feeling like a smart freshman. You get off the freeway exit to find a gi-normous line of stop-and-crawl traffic. The roads are a little slick from the dust storms and rain the night before.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Your anxiety concerning being late starts making your stomach as tight as it’s ever been. At this rate, you are going to be late to class but you will have the buffest abs of your life. You finally reach a little shopping mall that means you are just about there. Traffic picks up. Your stomach relaxes a little. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And there you see them: two dancing bananas standing on the side of the road just before the traffic light. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You can’t peel your eyes off of them. They are just too weird. Dancing bananas? You let out a guffaw. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You turn back to traffic.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But it’s too late. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You slam on your brakes, but the road is slick and you were looking at the bananas for too long. Your car is a crumpled mess but still drive-able. You pull off to a side street where a young college student jumps out, takes a look at her bumper and says, “Wow, it didn’t do anything to my car! But let me get your information just in case. I have to go to class, I can’t miss it!” </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You give her your info and she takes off. You stare at your car in disbelief. The hood is crunched up to where you can’t see over the top. The headlights have popped out and are swinging sadly off to the sides. You definitely are going to miss class now.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You have to get home. So you unlatch the hood and flatten it out as best as you can. The lights are gonna have to hang out where they’re at. The 1.3 million students are all heading toward the school. But traffic going the other direction is clear. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You start driving along and come to the first stop light. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As soon as you stop, the hood flies up. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You turn to the facing traffic and see fingers pointing straight at you and hear loud ringing laughter. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Yep, that really just happened. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Your ingenuity comes up with a solution to the problem. You take the drawstring of your hoodie and tie the hood down to the latch. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You make it home without further incident. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Turns out, your car is totaled. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You decide you really don’t care much for bananas. </div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-28491817221057792132011-05-27T14:02:00.000-06:002011-05-27T14:02:48.824-06:00Update on the SnickersSo, remember the Snickers you ate yesterday? Well you go home and tell your mom that someone has been going through the fridge and eating half of her candy bars.<br />
<br />
She looks at you and laughs.<br />
<br />
"Where did you get it?" she asks, still giggling.<br />
<br />
"In the fridge outside," you reply.<br />
<br />
"Well, after the quad-stake Olympics on Saturday I went around and gathered the extra candy and snacks and that must have been in the bag."<br />
<br />
You don't know who ate the other half of your Snickers, but that doesn't disappoint you as much as feeling like you got punked by getting a bite sized Snickers.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-14609465486265892582011-05-26T11:48:00.001-06:002011-05-26T12:05:18.512-06:00SnickersImagine you are running late for work.<br />
<br />
You rummage through the fridge to find something easy.<br />
<br />
You grab a Snickers.<br />
<br />
You get to work.<br />
<br />
11:45 rolls around.<br />
<br />
You get hungry. Why wait? <br />
<br />
So you grab your Snickers.<br />
<br />
Only to find out that it was already half eaten.<br />
<br />
What was supposed to be your full size candy bar is now bite sized. <br />
<br />
...And you're still hungry.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-37810315046718513842011-05-24T09:46:00.003-06:002011-12-13T15:45:37.097-07:00The Renaissance Pokemon Master<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">Ok, imagine you get set up on another date. He gets your number from a source that will remain nameless. He calls you that afternoon. You chat for a bit and let him know you are leaving for Mexico on Friday. He asks if you can go out on Thursday night. You say, “Sure.” He adds you to facebook that day. This is all going very fast. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">Thursday rolls around. He picks you up. “He seems very nice,” you think to yourself. You start chit chatting, when he reveals that he has some really interesting hobbies. “Ok,” you think to yourself, “I’ll bite.” </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">“What are your hobbies?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">“Well, I make chainmail.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">Instantly, the image of chain mail letters you get in your inbox from your 10 year old sisters saying that if you break the chain, you will be cursed with seven years of bad luck pops into your head. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">“What exactly is chain mail?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">He whips something out of his pocket. A key chain he made. “You know that chain armor knights used to wear? That’s chain mail.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh, how very interesting,” you say. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">He gives you a not so quick run-down (he’s a chatter box) on what is involved in making a shirt, for instance. Apparently it’s not very expensive, but very time intensive. You’ve got to hand it to him. It<b><i> is</i></b> an interesting hobby, who else do you know that makes chain mail? No one. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">He then starts telling you about how he likes to wear the shirt he has made to Ren Fests. You quickly deduce that Ren Fests are Renaissance Festivals. Yes, he is one of those running around campus wielding a sword and speaking in gothic letters. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">You say, “I like four wheeling.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">You get to the bowling alley. You cream him. But you couldn’t help it. He wasn’t very good and last year you were very seriously considering buying your own pair of bowling shoes to make your weekly outing more affordable. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">He wants to go for ice cream. So you drive down State Street looking for a place to stop. He spots a Costco(never mind the Coldstone across the street. Not to be high maintenance or anything. But Costco?). You get some ice cream and get on the subject of your favorite job.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">He chimes in, surprise. “My favorite job was when I was 15. I worked at a game shop. But since I wasn’t 16 they wouldn’t let me work the registers. So basically, I got paid to learn how to play the games and teach them to patrons. I loved it! But the best part was this: This was during the Pokemon craze. Every authorized Pokemon dealer had to have a Pokemon Master. And I got to be the Pokemon Master. “</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-12317708216956696022011-05-23T16:40:00.000-06:002011-05-23T16:40:07.465-06:00MondaysImagine you really want to leave work. You have 20 minutes left. You <i>really really really</i> want to leave. But you have to stay. It kinda sucks.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-64689494495346881832011-05-09T12:34:00.000-06:002011-05-09T12:34:58.414-06:00Mother's DayToday I want you to imagine you were asked to speak in your parents' ward in honor of Mother's Day. They moved into the ward while you were in college, so you don't really <em>know </em>people there, though you have met several of them at various activities you have participated in. Your mom is the Young Women's president, and a real fixture in the ward. She has given many lessons and has had many, many meetings. Therefore, you know your status as a single is known amongst the members of the ward. <br />
<br />
You start your talk.<br />
<br />
"Good morning..." Your stomache feels like you are jumping on a really bouncy trampoline. <br />
<br />
Then you launch into it. You explain that buying gifts for your mom is really hard for you. If she says she likes something, you file it away as a good gift idea, but the next thing you know she is strutting around the house wearing it, or serving food out of it, or whatever. <br />
<br />
So you say this year you have a really good gift for her. <br />
<br />
It's something she has wanted for several years. <br />
<br />
She prays for it every day. <br />
<br />
And she would be getting her spare bedroom back.<br />
<br />
You look straight at your mom in the congregation and say, "Mom, I'm engaged."<br />
<br />
She sits there stunned for a second. Her jaw drops. <br />
<br />
The congregation gasps in delight. <br />
<br />
And then you say, "Just kidding. I'm not. You know I'm not. I'm not even dating anyone. But happy mother's day."<br />
<br />
Ok, stepping out of the scenario, it was a riot. Seriously. You should have heard the bishopric behind me, "Did you see the look on Malia's face?!" It was classic. I wish you all could have been there. Happy Mother's Day!Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-63926973086642686232011-05-03T16:17:00.000-06:002011-05-03T16:17:56.266-06:00The last few weeks<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It’s been an incredible few weeks. I just love my family so much, and it all has to do with them. To start off, my little baby Chinese fatness sister Shawna graduated from BYU with a Bachelors of Science in Public Health. I can’t believe she’s old enough to have done that! I am so proud of her. She’s so ambitious and it makes me prouder than a peacock’s tail feathers. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">After that, my sister-in-law Courtney went through the temple. I’m still emotional thinking about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was so wonderful. I love to go to the temple. It’s one of my favorite places. I’m so excited to have more family able to go, especially since it was in preparation for another person to be sealed to my family. I seriously have the greatest family! I am so happy for Courtney and that she got to go through the temple and that I was able to be a part of it. It helped me to feel closer to my family on both sides of the veil. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following Thursday, Paul and Courtney were able to be sealed in the Draper temple. I am so proud of them! I am so happy for them. I really couldn’t be any happier! I am so excited that they are now sealed. It’s such a great blessing! Really, I have the greatest family!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Then this last weekend, I headed down to Hurricane on Friday night to watch Alana run a half marathon. I still get emotional thinking about this one too. Last year Alana was bed ridden and I was afraid I was going to lose another sister. It was a real possibility. Before she was hospitalized, she couldn’t even walk to her work a block away. To see her come running down the street at mile 12 this weekend was a real miracle to me. She ran it in 2 hours and 3 minutes, 12 minutes faster than her goal time. She did such a great job and worked so hard. I am so proud of her! I am so grateful that she has a healthier body and that she can do the things that she wants now. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Anyway, that’s pretty much what has been going on around here. Love ya.</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-56521257635985711992011-04-15T12:51:00.002-06:002011-05-24T09:50:56.163-06:00Grave Hunting<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">As always, this will be in scenario format. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Imagine your cute cousin is going to set you up on a date with her best friend’s husband’s brother.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He calls while you are watching 24 with your brother and sister-in-law, so of course you can’t answer. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You call him back the next day right after work. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You feel like an idiot during the whole conversation, but he asks you out anyway.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He picks you up the following Friday and you go downtown to do a little geo caching.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You look for the first one. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You can’t find it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You give up.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You move on to the second.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It’s around temple square.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You can’t find that one either. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He decides he wants to do something else. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He asks you, “Do you know who Heber C. Kimball is?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You say, “Of course I know who Heber C. Kimball is. What kind of Mormon do you think I am?!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He says, “Jack. Definitely.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You proceed to walk the short distance to Heber C. Kimball’s grave in a little memorial park behind some apartment buildings. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">“This is cool,” you say.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He then asks you if you have ever been to Brigham Young’s grave. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He spares you the question if you know who he was.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You walk a block or so and come to yet another memorial park. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">But this one has a spiky decorative fence and a lock on the gate.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">There’s a sign that says “No Trespassing.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He wants you to climb over it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You say, “Are you serious?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He says, “Are you?” then “I have more to lose on these spikes than you do.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You can’t argue with that so you climb over the fence. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You see the grave and lots of other graves for his wives and some of his kids. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You wonder aloud why you have you have never seen this and where the heck are we?</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He responds, “Salt Lake, Amanda.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You say, “Thank you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Afterwards, you head back to the car. He asks if you have ever seen President Hinckley’s grave. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You say, “Why, no I haven’t.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So he takes you to the Salt Lake Cemetery, where you see not only President Hinckley’s </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">grave, but also David O. McKay’s. </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Your date of geo caching became a night of grave hunting. </span></div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545802069725799195.post-60494695687661811822011-04-13T16:58:00.000-06:002011-04-13T16:58:13.278-06:00Peeps<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have become friends with my mission companion's little sister. She has Asperger’s syndrome which is a high functioning autism. She is very choosy about who she likes, but she L-O-V-E-S me. Her parents came to town last year and went to the family history library so she and I got to hang out for the day. That’s when she got my number. And that’s when I started getting the most hilarious texts from her. She thinks I am a complete dolt. And she loves it. Here’s a sample:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: Hey, what are you doing? (This is how they all start)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: Oh, just cleaning my car. What’s up?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: Guess what kind of pet I got?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: A snake?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: No, it’s a bird. Just a hint.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: A bald eagle?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: No, that would be illegal. Think smaller.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: A hummingbird?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: No, think bigger. It’s like a quail. What does a quail do when it eats?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: Poop on the floor?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: No, it scratches. What other animal scratches? It starts with ch.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: A chicken!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: Yep. Guess what we named it?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: Little Red?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: Nope. Peeps:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: Oh, well that’s cute!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: Of course it’s cute. I’m potty training it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: That must be fun. And you got her just in time for Easter.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: I’ll get you for that!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me: For what?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">X: You said I should eat my chicken for Easter dinner!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know where she came up with that last part, but she just cracks me up. But just for the record, if I was going to have a pet, I would have a bald eagle. </span></div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10657539676731851574noreply@blogger.com2