The Dr. Visit

 

So, I had a dull headache for about two and a half weeks. I finally decided to go to the doctor. I sat down with some trashy magazine in the clinic and waited. Seriously, those things are crap. Anyway, About 20 minutes passed and I was being patient but I was starting to get a little annoyed. This little lady who had aged beyond her years sat down one seat away from me. She had dentures. But didn’t have them glued in, or whatever you do to dentures to keep them from smacking and slurping. Geh. She also had a whistly nose. Oh. My. Gosh. I started freaking out. Lip smacking, denture noises, and a whistly nose? Seriously? I thought about getting up and moving, but then I looked at this lady’s face. That would just be rude. So I tilted my head to the side, plugged my ear, covered my hand with my hippie hair, and chewed my gum really loudly so I could only hear myself. I still heard some noises though, and I thought I was gonna lose it.

About 15 minutes of this and finally the medical assistant came and saved me.

She asked, “Are you dying?”

So I said, “Well yeah! That little lady was smacking her lips and dentures and had a whistly nose and I thought I was going to die! It was horrible! I’m SO glad you came and got me!”

She laughed and said, “Boy it’s just not your day, is it?”

“No! It’s not!” I said.

She asked, “You want to get on the scale?”

“No!” I yelled.

She just laughed at me.

She took me to my little consultation room where I waited another 20 minutes. It was a long time, but at least there was no whistling. Finally my Dr. came in. She has the personality of a wet blanket. So she asked me some questions and got out her little camera thing – checked my ears, checked my nose (and I burst out laughing. I mean, she shoved a camera up there!), and looked at my throat. She asked if I had a sore throat and I said I didn’t, just a head ache. Then she felt my neck and that was painful. Painful! 

“It looks like you have a sinus infection and your glands are really swollen, so we’ll start you on some antibiotics. It also looks like you have an enlarged thyroid.”

I groaned, “Don’t even tell me that! My mom had hers removed due to cancer and my aunts have thyroid problems!”

She said, “Well, we’ll check your thyroid levels to make sure you don’t have any problems. It doesn’t mean you have cancer. You might just have a goiter.”

Umm, hello!!! What?! “A GOITER? I CAN’T HAVE A GOITER! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

Remember, wet blanket – “What’s wrong with a goiter?”

“A GOITER?! THAT’S JUST WEIRD! OH MY GOSH!!!”

She just smiled at me and said she was going to get the MA to draw some blood.

Holy crap guys, a goiter.

So in walks Brittany just laughing at me, when I say – well yell – “OH MY GOSH! DID SHE TELL YOU I MIGHT HAVE A GOITER!?”

She just laughed more and jammed a bazooka in my arm and started drawing some blood. She looked at me and said, “Yeah, you’re under a little bit of stress aren’t you?” And I just thought to myself, “At least someone is laughing.”

After a 15 minute interaction with both Dr. and MA, my goiter and I were on our merry little way.  I went to the pharmacy and started taking my prescription and I had kind of a bad reaction, but they told me it should take about 3 days for the antibiotic to kick in. Finally, Friday I called in to see if what was happening was normal. I gave them my symptoms and they said they’d call me back.

A few hours later Brittany called me back.

“Hi. You really shouldn’t have a golf ball on your throat and that other stuff is bad too. Stop taking that medication and take this other one.”

“Ok. So did my blood work come back?” I was nervous.

“Yeah, actually it did. We sent you a letter but it looks like your levels are all normal.”

“SO DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE A GOITER THEN?!”

She joined in the yelling, “YOUR FINE!!!” She was busting up laughing.

So guys, I guess I just have to face the fact that I’m gonna have a little buddy on my neck.