Friday, April 15, 2011

Grave Hunting

As always, this will be in scenario format.
Imagine your cute cousin is going to set you up on a date with her best friend’s husband’s brother.

He calls while you are watching 24 with your brother and sister-in-law, so of course you can’t answer.

You call him back the next day right after work.

You feel like an idiot during the whole conversation, but he asks you out anyway.

He picks you up the following Friday and you go downtown to do a little geo caching.

You look for the first one.

You can’t find it.

You give up.

You move on to the second.

It’s around temple square.

You can’t find that one either.

He decides he wants to do something else.

He asks you, “Do you know who Heber C. Kimball is?”

You say, “Of course I know who Heber C. Kimball is. What kind of Mormon do you think I am?!”

He says, “Jack. Definitely.”

You proceed to walk the short distance to Heber C. Kimball’s grave in a little memorial park behind some apartment buildings.

“This is cool,” you say.

He then asks you if you have ever been to Brigham Young’s grave.

He spares you the question if you know who he was.

You walk a block or so and come to yet another memorial park.

But this one has a spiky decorative fence and a lock on the gate.

There’s a sign that says “No Trespassing.”

He wants you to climb over it.

You say, “Are you serious?”

He says, “Are you?” then “I have more to lose on these spikes than you do.”

You can’t argue with that so you climb over the fence.

You see the grave and lots of other graves for his wives and some of his kids.

You wonder aloud why you have you have never seen this and where the heck are we?

He responds, “Salt Lake, Amanda.”

You say, “Thank you.”

Afterwards, you head back to the car. He asks if you have ever seen President Hinckley’s grave.

You say, “Why, no I haven’t.”

So he takes you to the Salt Lake Cemetery, where you see not only President Hinckley’s 
grave, but also David O. McKay’s.

Your date of geo caching became a night of grave hunting.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I have become friends with my mission companion's little sister. She has Asperger’s syndrome which is a high functioning autism. She is very choosy about who she likes, but she L-O-V-E-S me. Her parents came to town last year and went to the family history library so she and I got to hang out for the day. That’s when she got my number. And that’s when I started getting the most hilarious texts from her. She thinks I am a complete dolt. And she loves it. Here’s a sample:
X: Hey, what are you doing? (This is how they all start)
Me: Oh, just cleaning my car. What’s up?
X: Guess what kind of pet I got?
Me: A snake?
X: No, it’s a bird. Just a hint.
Me: A bald eagle?
X: No, that would be illegal. Think smaller.
Me: A hummingbird?
X: No, think bigger. It’s like a quail. What does a quail do when it eats?
Me: Poop on the floor?
X: No, it scratches. What other animal scratches? It starts with ch.
Me: A chicken!
X: Yep. Guess what we named it?
Me: Little Red?
X: Nope. Peeps:
Me: Oh, well that’s cute!
X: Of course it’s cute. I’m potty training it.
Me: That must be fun. And you got her just in time for Easter.
X: I’ll get you for that!
Me: For what?
X: You said I should eat my chicken for Easter dinner!
I don’t know where she came up with that last part, but she just cracks me up. But just for the record, if I was going to have a pet, I would have a bald eagle.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Gaga Visit

So, imagine you are the 3rd counselor in the Relief Society Presidency. No, that is not a typo, you are the 3rd counselor. As a member of the RS Presidency, though a superfluous one, you get the pleasure of visiting the girls in the ward in their homes.
You go visit a group of three roommates. They are perfect for each other. It just makes sense. They are very different girls, very intellectual. One lies down on the second row pew in the chapel during sacrament and will occasionally wake herself up with her snoring. One is extremely intelligent. The other loves different hobbies. You find out you LOVE these girls. They are hilarious, and you could sit around and listen to them talk for hours.
You get on the subject of Lady Gaga for some reason, because, she always just comes up. You start discussing the controversy over her meat dress and hobby girl tells you that Gaga’s Kermit the Frog dress was more controversial.
You tell her you didn’t hear about it.
She gets on her computer, googles it, and turns her laptop toward you while it’s loading.
You start blushing and wonder what exactly you are supposed to be looking at as very seductive looking women start appearing on the screen. You ask her which one it was.
She looks at the screen. A look of horror washes over her. She realizes that she hit the wrong link and sent you to a bad site instead of the Lady Gaga photo.