Monday, August 8, 2011

Cars vs. Elephants

I had text message conversation this morning with a guy I know. We aren’t super tight. We haven’t even hung out. But yesterday he grabbed my arm. He started squeezing it. I looked at him and said, “Are you feeling my muscles?” He said he was.  I squirmed away muttering something like, “I haven’t worked out in a long time.” It really made me laugh. Here’s the exchange from today:

Guy: How much do you weigh?
Me: Why would I tell you that?!
Guy: Just answer.

Me: No way, Jose. Why would you ask that?

Guy: Just cuz. You’re like, way strong.
Me: Well, if I was like 90 pounds I would gladly tell you. But I have what I’ll call an “athletic” build and I definitely don’t weigh 90 pounds.

Guy: You can sugarcoat it all day long. I’m pretty sure you’re over 150 so there’s no hiding it.

Me: (I know I can’t really hide my weight. And I have always been one of the “strong” girls meaning I have never been dainty or slender, and… that I could beat the crap out of all the other girls if I had an aggressive tendency, which, fortunately, I don’t. I’m more of a squirrel retreating from any sign of danger.  I feel like I look like a buffalo wallow woman, or an Amazonian , and there is just no hiding that. Not even with long sleeved shirts, which I was wearing yesterday. Darn him for touching me).
Me: I know. “Athletic” is sugarcoating it.

Guy: How much? (Throws out a number)
Me: I’m never telling!
Guy: I'll keep going up if you don’t spit it out.
Me: Whatever. You should know girls never like that question. I won’t tell.
I know you guys are all gasping in horror. You just have to know this kid. You never have to wonder what he is thinking (obviously) or where you stand with him because he’ll just tell you. He pretty much guessed my weight on the dot. Which is pretty annoying. How do people do that? I mean,  I have absolutely no concept of what things weigh. And I don’t really care as long as I can lift it outta my way. How much does a car weigh? Probably like 500 pounds. Cuz I can’t lift it. How much does an elephant weigh? Probably like 600 pounds. Because it probably weighs a little more than a car. No concept. No concept at all.


annalisa said...

You have got to be kidding me!!! I CANNOT believe he would ask you that! I mean, you are one smokin' hot mama, & i'm sure you weigh like 9 whole pounds, but STILL!! ONLY YOU my friend. ONLY YOU!!

Josh and Anna said...

Never text this boy again!!!! What a creepo. Unless he happens to be a personal trainer and has a vested interest in your weight,he needs to mind his own beeswax!

Lauren Kay said...

Ew. I hate this guy. Jerk.

Alana Nelson said...

HAHAHAHAHA OH MY FREAKING GOSH. an elephant my dear- does not weigh 600 poounds. We need to go to the zoo...... so you can read up. hahah I love this post so so much

Joe and Renee Williams said...

haha I agree with Alana go to the zoo.